Too Many Mommies, Too Many Kids

Last month we learned that Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, is pregnant and expecting a child with her longtime partner, Heather Poe. It is unclear exactly how this child was conceived; presumably it was a result of in-vitro fertilization.

Conservatives reacted mainly with embarrassed silence. Since the VP is one of their heroes, the fact that he has a lesbian daughter is something they would prefer not to think about. Dick and Lynne Cheney are obviously in a difficult situation; they don't approve of Mary's lifestyle but she is still their daughter.

Liberal and gay-rights groups used this news to attack VP Cheney as a hypocrite. This strikes me as misguided. Clearly he did not ask Mary to become a lesbian, and there is not much he can do about it. I guess he could banish Mary from family events, have no contact with her, and proceed with his conservative social agenda. Then he wouldn't be a hypocrite any more. Of course, then he would be attacked for being cold and heartless. It's a no-win situation.

As I wrote here and here, I think gay couples should not attempt to become parents in this way. They are creating a new life in the full knowledge that this child will be deprived of either a mother or a father. This is not right. Kids need parents of both genders.

Sadly there are thousands of children in the USA who do not have even one parent, and languish in foster care, orphanages or other institutions. This isn't right either. Many of them have been abused, suffer from some kind of disability, are no longer infants or are otherwise less than ideal. Most of them are non-white in race. Yet they are still children of God and deserve better.

Now, if Mary Cheney and her partner wish to take on the lifelong emotional, spiritual, and financial burden of raising one of these parentless kids, I would be ok with it. As flawed as their home life may be, it is probably better than the conditions the child is in now. Likewise for anyone else who is truly sincere and capable of being an adoptive parent.

That's not what is happening in this case. These sort of children are not good enough for Mary Cheney and the other couples who use IVF to create "their own" babies. This is not an act of generosity and love. It is an act of selfishness. They must have a baby that is genetically theirs. They want the pleasure of bearing the child, going through delivery and coming home from the hospital with their lovely new baby. If the pursuit of this pleasure means passing up the chance to adopt another poor child, then so be it. What we want for ourselves is the most important thing.

If you are a parent who made this kind of choice, I don't mean to condemn you. I think you made a mistake and did not fully consider the implications of your decision. Now you have a child to raise, and you need to give that job your full energy. There is one thing you can do, though...

Late at night, when you put your baby to bed and look down at that angelic little face, stop for a minute. Think about the other child who could have been yours. He's still out there, somewhere. Pray for that child. Pray for all the others who remain homeless and parentless. Pray that the God of compassion will take them in His loving arms and bring them Home, forever and ever.