No More Ho Ho Ho

At first I thought this had to be a joke, but it seems real.

Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas's traditional "ho ho ho" greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

Sydney's Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say "ha ha ha" instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.

One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use "ho ho ho" because it could frighten children and was too close to "ho", a US slang term for prostitute. [source]

Where do I begin? Any woman who would be offended to hear Santa Claus say "ho ho ho" is out of her mind and needs to get psychological help. What's next? Consider the alternatives:

• Ha ha ha promotes the stereotype that fat people are jolly.
• Hi hi hi implies that Santa is a user of illegal drugs.
• Hu hu hu may be offensive to owl lovers.
• Hee hee hee will be heard by radical feminists as a male chauvinist taunt.

Unless someone invents a new vowel, it appears that Santas throughout the English-speaking world will have no choice but to stand there in silence and stare at the kiddies. Children who expected a jolly old man will be sorely disappointed. Before you know it, Santa will be regarded as the creepy man in red who appears every year to frighten youngsters. Merry Christmas!