WMD Re-defined

Here's a weird story. A suspicious package was spotted this week outside an Austin abortion clinic. Police determined it to be a homemade propane/nail bomb and it was disarmed safely. The device was powerful enough to have killed anyone nearby had it exploded.

The next day a suspect named Paul Ross Evans was arrested. From the news story, Evans appears to be nothing but a common criminal. There is no indication he had any connection to pro-life groups. (If there were, you can bet this story would be national news.) Why he would bomb an abortion clinic is still unknown.

Evans faces federal charges for "Using Weapons of Mass Destruction," with a potential sentence of life in prison. I find this a little confusing. My understanding is that "weapons of mass destruction" are nuclear, biological, or chemical devices that can kill thousands of people. A propane-powered nail bomb can certainly do some damage, but it's not going to wipe out an entire city. Yet the government apparently classifies it as WMD.

I think I see what is going on here. Recall that we invaded Iraq because Saddam Hussein allegedly possessed WMD. This turned out to be not exactly true. Now we know that it was true; all we had to do was re-define WMD to include items like propane cylinders and small quantities of nails. Presto, Iraq did have WMD and so do a lot of other countries.

Now Bush can order the invasion of all those evil nations that stockpile propane and nails. They may say their objective is to barbeque while hammering together birdhouses, but should we believe them? No, we can't take that chance. The risk is just too great. Cruise missiles are the best solution.

UPDATE 5/1/07: The hideous weapons are even more common than I thought. Now it seems assault rifles count as WMD. Wow, Castro has WMD just 70 miles off our shores! We must invade immediately! Not to mention the Mexicans, Canadians, and Bahamians. We're surrounded on all sides.